to a beloved | qui riposa
pay here
she hath done what she could
Often, when I'm perusing my catalogue of unedited photos to share, one will pop out at me, and I just know it's right to share at this moment in time.
It may not always be the most eye-catching or aesthetically pleasing photograph.
But it captures where my mind or heart is right now.
Or it depicts a place, an object, a plant, etc., that - when I research it further - is relevant to something in my life at that moment and clicks.
This photograph I took in Cornubia Lutheran Cemetery, also known as Carbrook Lutheran Cemetery, did that for me today.
post-floral
blood red
Two of my self-portraits - one from my wallflowers series, the other from my plush series - are included in Issue #123: Color 2024 of F-Stop Magazine, and both feature floral motifs: the wallpaper in one and my dress in the other.
This photograph, which I took in my parents' garden in Redland Bay in 2009, of a Cordyline fruticosa (commonly known as a ti plant) doesn't include a floral motif. But the leaves are so vibrant with the backlighting that they fit the colour theme I submitted to.
Since I've already shared the two photographs included in F-Stop Magazine, I thought I'd share this one alongside the news.
disappearing further into obscurity
disappearing into obscurity
loss, family, friends, photo walks, cats and dogs
It seems odd to say 2023 was one of the better years for me recently, despite Mum passing on 1 March.
Realistically, I’d probably started mourning her loss in March 2018, when I believed that would be the last time I’d see her in person. It was a mixed blessing to have one more opportunity in October 2019. But I knew when I left Tasmania at the end of that visit that would be the last time.
By the time she passed, we hadn’t even been able to have Skype calls for about a year and a half. And our calls hadn’t involved actual conversation for a long time before that.
So, her passing was more of a continuation and perhaps the closing chapter of my mourning.
Don’t get me wrong: I still semi-regularly well up and have a good cry while thinking about her. But it’s not been as intense as it would have been without her prolonged descent into dementia and multiple false alarms to prepare me for the final eventuality.
We said our farewells, and Mum set off on her final journey on 18 June 2023, when Dad, Robert, Peter and I could finally be in one place.
An old friend, Dee, messaged me soon after to tell me the ocean currents may have taken her to New Zealand.
It was the first chance we had to be in one place as a family to say goodbye to Mum, but it was probably also the first time the four of us had been together since early 2007.
With family, loss and the passing of time on my mind, I predominantly spent my month in Australia catching up with family, especially those I hadn’t seen in far too long.
My uncle, John, is one member of my extended family I’ve managed to see on all of my visits since leaving Australia in January 2011. But I enjoyed spending another few days of quality time with him, talking about family and family history, debating politics and catching up with his partner, Verna. And I managed to set him up on WhatsApp so I can call him regularly at no cost.
My Mum’s side of the family has been harder to catch up with over the years, mainly due to geography. For most of my childhood and teens, they lived in Calgary. And when they returned to Australia, they settled in Perth.
I met Rhys (pictured at left, taking the group selfie) when I was about 11, but I didn’t meet my other cousin, his twin, David (centre back), until Rhys’ wedding about ten years later, in 1998.
I’m ashamed to say that was the last time I’d seen Rhys and my uncle, Graham, until this year. Although, I stayed with my aunt, Patricia, in 2002, when I returned to Australia after my first stint of living in the UK and caught up with David then. Christopher (back right) wasn’t yet born.
So, it was lovely to spend a couple of days getting to know Rhys better while he played tour guide, to spend a few days with his family, and to spend an evening with Mum’s family.
I would have liked to have spent more time with them, but I had so much to cram into just a month. Hopefully, I’ll be able to spend more time next time.
And I caught up with Rhys, his wife, Jenny, and their daughter, Georgia, for an evening when they were in London a few months later.
In addition to spending time with family, I was pleased to catch up with my first-ever best friend, Narelle, for the first time in around 39 years. And to spend time with Lisa and Sarah.
It was a pleasure, as always, to spend time talking and dining with Victoria while I was in Tasmania, including a rain-sodden wander on West Ulverstone Beach.
We wandered around the Tasmanian Arboretum with Cheryl after scattering Mum’s ashes; just what I needed.
I did spy a platypus and took some photos, but they may need quite a lot of enlargement to confirm that!
I took many photos of Perth in the glorious weather as Rhys played tour guide.
Here’s one of a frilled neck lizard sculpture in the Mindeerup section of south Perth, part of Karl Kep Ngoornd-iny (Fire and Water Dreaming) by Yondee Shane Hansen.
In addition to my family, who offered up beds and couches to me during my stay, I want to thank everyone who could make the time to catch up during my (relatively) short time in Melbourne.
It was lovely to catch up with Jess, Preethi and Feih for drinks one night. Ian, David, Pete and Corey the next night. Brunch with Richard and his daughter, Sienna, dinners with David and Anthony, and a pint and chips with Jason.
(I hope I haven’t forgotten anyone!)
Special thanks to Amy and Chris for shuttling me and Richard to Springvale Botanical Cemetery to visit Anthony Horan’s grave and to Richard for the engaging natter on the train (and apologies for getting us on the wrong train!)
Usually, my visits to cemeteries are for purely photographic purposes. But this year, I found myself in cemeteries to visit friends.
That’s how I came to be in Brookwood Cemetery, the largest cemetery in the UK. It used to have its own dedicated railway, including first-class carriages for the dead, running direct from the London Necropolis Railway Station in Waterloo.
The same station still serves it. But now it’s just the living commuting by train from the main Waterloo Station.
(I knew about the cemetery and the railway well before my visit because of Catharine Arnold’s book, Necropolis: London and its Dead, which I read many years ago. I’ll return for a more leisurely photo walk in future).
I did, of course, also visit cemeteries for purely photographic purposes.
In chronological order, I wandered the following cemeteries:
Plaistow Cemetery in Bromley (on my birthday)
Brockley Cemetery (part of Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries)
Ladywell Cemetery (part of Brockley and Ladywell Cemeteries)
London Road Cemetery in Bromley
Paines Lane Cemetery in Pinner
Pinner New Cemetery (probably the worst maintained cemetery I’ve come across, and I include those maintained within the concept of ‘managed neglect’ in that comparison)
And Hither Green Cemetery, which I’ll have to revisit in 2024, as I arrived about 15 minutes before they closed for the day.
All this talk of death and loss may have you concerned. Never fear: there’s life in the old girl yet.
I didn’t travel as far afield as I’d hoped this year, but I did spend a day wandering Birmingham, its canals, and marvelling at the city’s Spaghetti Junction with fellow photographer Phil Ivens one Sunday.
I spent a lovely weekend with my distant cousins in Uxbridge, including a day in Henley-on-Thames.
And Hambleden.
Once again, it was lovely to spend time with family members I don’t see often enough (though there’s less excuse with these guys as, apart from Malcolm, we live in the same city, albeit on almost opposite sides!)
And in November, Scott joined me for the next stretch from Palmers Green to Enfield.
And, on Boxing Day, I took what I thought was a scenic shortcut through Grove Park Nature Reserve, aiming for Hither Green Cemetery, only to find the footbridge as part of the Railway Children Walk was closed for maintenance.
And now, the part of my annual wrap-up you’ve all been waiting for (drum roll).
Here’s the roll call of the new kittehs (and doggos!) I sat this year.
I sat 17 cats, 11 of which were new clients (though two were new kittehs for existing human clients).
I sat three doggos, all new clients and all lovely beasties. Unfortunately, Dougal (pictured above) has now crossed the Rainbow Bridge, passing around the day I left for Australia.
I sat ten fish, four of which were new clients. Six have now gone to fish heaven (only one on my watch, purloined from its pond by a cat or a fox).
Jilly arrived in Bounds Green as Lottie’s successor.
Oscar joined my three regulars in Bromley.
Frank, who loves to cuddle (which is a good thing, as he’s so smooshable!)
Pebbles, an old soul.
Treacle, who is as sweet as…
Milo loves a good game of tug-o-war.
Mango can be entertained on a shoestring (literally) and loves a lap.
I visited her four times over three days in the summer. She knew exactly when I was about to leave and when to curl up cutely on my lap.
Bobby with his “come hither and rub my belly” gaze.
Cino, Bobby’s less aloof brother.
These two were hilarious to listen to when they chatted while they played with their toys.
Bobby and Cino had some fishy friends (two of the three pictured).
George, a cheeky tabby who lives next door to my regulars.
And Lottie, George’s housemate.
I visited these two thrice daily one weekend while sitting my regulars.
And my newest and youngest clients, at 14 weeks, David.
And Stevie.
I slept in someone else’s bed for 160 nights this year (no, not like that).
Between pet-sitting, a weekend visit with my cousins, and my visit to Australia, I was away from home almost 44% of this year!
I loved it, but I will admit I missed my bed, iMac and my own room (though not the scaffolding surrounding our flat for about six months).
The coming year looks quite busy already, but it will be interesting to see whether it will be more or less busy than this year. I already have four new doggo and two new kitteh clients scheduled over the summer.
Before I wish you all a happy new year and the best of everything for 2024, I want to thank all my friends and family who have been there for me during 2023 when I really needed it (and, in many cases, every year before that).
I hope I have been and/or will be there for you when you need it.
Love to you all for 2024 xx
singapore graveyard flower
Whilst staying with my uncle and his partner in the southern suburbs of Brisbane, shortly after arriving in Australia in June, I ventured out to purchase various devices I lacked.
I had never needed a UK-to-Australian adaptor outside my Apple travel kit, but I relied on a Windows laptop from my day job on this visit. I also needed a replacement cable for my iPhone to feed into my Apple adaptor as my existing cable was lightning to lightning, not lightning to USB, and the adaptor was many years old.
All that is beside the point, really.
The point is that I walked from my uncle's to one of the three plus shopping centres "nearby" (all were at least a 20-minute walk) to get such items, and I took my camera, foreseeing that I could capture something of the local area.
My uncle was somewhat sceptical of what I might find to photograph along the way. Which was, in fairness, understandable. Except my idea of photogenic is often not the same as others’.
These and other flowers I photographed in parkland near my uncle's home were more traditionally photogenic. But, had I not had my camera with me, I wouldn't have captured them (well, I would have, with my phone, as I did, but not at the same quality).
The odd thing, though, has been coming back to these photos months later, knowing they are frangipanis and having Wikipedia tell me that Australia recognises a different tree as a frangipani.
This genus is the only frangipani I know as someone who grew up in Canberra, Brisbane, Darwin, Melbourne, country Victoria, and later in life lived on the Gold Coast, and I photographed these in a park in Sunnybank Hills, Brisbane.
We had what I believe to be a plumeria obtusa on the nature strip at the front of the house we rented in Darwin. I remember the fragrant flowers and climbing into its branches to lounge whilst listening to Madonna's album, Like a Virgin, playing from the cassette player I'd fed out my bedroom window onto the table on the balcony.
I looked up where our house used to be in Rapid Creek (or Nightcliff, as we knew it to be at the time), and though the house is long gone (I already knew this from previous searches of former homes), I'm pleased to say the frangipani tree was still standing in 2021.
butchery
When travelling, my camera is probably pointed equally at the sublime and the mundane. Whatever catches my eye.
In this case, a former butchery in West Ulverstone, Tasmania, caught my eye as Victoria drove me from our delicious brunch at Hey Buddy to West Ulverstone beach for a wander (albeit relatively brief as the weather turned wet and windy soon after).
We'd only driven about 160m when the shopfront caught my eye, and I asked Victoria to stop so I could take some photos.
I can't explain why I was drawn to it. Maybe it was the eggshell blue tiles. Maybe it was the faded signage. Maybe a combination of the two.
I don't recall if I registered the logo design fully in the moment, but that is definitely a reason I should have been drawn to it. I've included a crop of the detail of the logo (albeit not the best quality at that size) to explain why it was 100% worth stopping, in my opinion.
happy birthday, anthony
This year's visit to Australia was predominantly about family and officially saying goodbye to Mum.
But alongside that and reuniting with some wonderful friends, I also had the chance to (officially) say goodbye to one of my oldest friends, Anthony Horan.
My thanks go out to Anthony's brother, Chris, and mutual longtime friends, Amy and Richard, for accompanying me and making the visit possible.
It was lovely to finally meet Chris and reunite with Amy and Richard after so long.
It was a sombre visit. Rain threatened. There was much mud on the 'lawn'.
But there was also cheeky humour amongst us, in keeping with the sort of comments and jokes Anthony would have made if he'd been able to reply to us as we stood by the grave his ashes share with his father's remains.
When I visited, there was a temporary marker for Anthony and his dad. I'm sure when I visit next it will look different (if it doesn't already).
I've been catching up on sharing iPhone photos from my trip on Instagram, and this morning, I reached my photos from that day. I thought I would share them on the second anniversary of his passing in January, oblivious to the date.
But, when I remembered later in the day it was his birthday in Australia, it was obvious today was the day to share.
It's currently his birthday in Melbourne and London.
So, the penguins and I are raising a toast to an old friend.
Love and miss you, Anthony. Always. xx
like water for chocolate
breathe in, breathe out
drinking birds
A semi-itinerant lifestyle has impacted my ability to keep my Patreon as regularly updated as I'd like, so thank you for sticking around.
I have one more sitting this month where I won't have access to a decent monitor to edit photos. But then I'll be down to much more irregular sittings until February, so I'll edit my heart out as much as possible while I'm more settled.
Since late March, I've barely been home.
And when I have been, I've been wrestling with flat-related shenanigans, life admin and such.
Please don't mention the scaffolding that has encased our building since late March and prevents me from opening my bedroom window more than four inches. Or the boxes of books occupying most of the space on one side of my bed since early August, as I can't yet replace them on the bookcase while we wait for a section of paint in the lounge to be retouched (it's located directly above the bookcase).
The prints I previously had hanging in the lounge have also reverted to an inconvenience, as the repainting required their hooks to be removed. I'm reluctant to replace them on the walls. For reasons I won't go into here.
I'm trying to locate appropriate wrapping to stow them safely in existing packaging in our lounge in a way that infringes less on our living space.
On a related note: if you know anyone who would like to purchase framed prints from my alternate worlds series or selected work from other series (largely self-portraiture), please send them my way...
In addition to the times I've been away from home with only my work laptop, I've had two periods of about two weeks in May and August without my iMac due to required repairs, which hasn't helped.
As much as I love the furry personalities I've been sitting so much this year, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for more than a few consecutive nights. To work at my own desk on a quality monitor with full access to my files.
In addition to the remaining sittings already booked for the next few months, I need to arrange other sittings and/or accommodation to take advantage of my rail vouchers, which will expire by mid-January.
But those will be trips with plenty of time for creativity, photography and being inspired.
I look forward to taking some proper annual leave after almost two years. (No, let's be honest, it will be four years in mid-November...)
But, on a positive note, I've been working on a new project inspired by a book a friend gifted me. And I've continued taking photos (not just of cats).
I look forward to sharing those with you soon!
rocket
If you're an Australian of a particular vintage (specifically, Generation X or Baby Boomer), I challenge you to tell me you're not thinking of Mr Squiggle's 'Rocket' while looking at my photo of Perth's Bell Tower at Elizabeth Quay.
I took this while on a whistle-stop tour of Perth with Rhys, one of my cousins.
While Kings Park was quite familiar to me, including the vista from the war memorial (which I had captured on at least one previous visit), the view had markedly changed in the roughly 20-30 years since I'd last photographed it.
This building and other high rises have since populated (and are still adding to) the skyline on Elizabeth Quay.
Although the architecture is vastly different: The Bell Tower is on a river, while the National Carillon is on an island in a manmade lake, and they are on almost direct opposite sides of the big, brown land we call Australia, I couldn't help but think of the near-annual visits my brothers and I took with my Granddad to the National Carillon on Queen Elizabeth II Island in Lake Burley Griffin as kids when confronted with The Bell Tower.
Perth was the city my grandparents moved to after decades lived in Canberra, and it was while visiting them in late high school that I first saw Perth.
I still feel I've only scratched the surface of Perth after about four visits, but there's something comforting about the same-same-but-different elements of the city to Canberra.
I'm sure that if my brothers, cousins and I were kids now and my grandparents were still alive and living in Perth, my Granddad would take us to The Bell Tower annually.
off yer nut
After so much time away from home, I've finally caught up on most things, excluding sleep.
Unfortunately, poor wee Dougal had an operation on Monday afternoon and is still recovering, so we cancelled my sitting with him. His owner and I both hope he comes good soon.
As much as I don't like to hear about Dougal being poorly, having more time at home has been helpful for my mental health and catching up on life admin.
I will still go to Bromley on Friday evening until Monday to sit my regulars plus one.
In the meantime, I'm pleased to be home and that the repairs to the building are currently paused between the roof replacement and re-pointing (and then painting).
Footpath reconstruction is due to start on our section of the road next Tuesday, so it would seem I chose the ideal time to GTFO of Dodge.
All of these things are well overdue, but so is my sleep!
If I'm being honest, that's the one thing I'm looking forward to most with my time away: some relaxation, alongside catching up with family and friends. I suspect it will still end up hectic.
I woke to a less-than-positive update about an extended family member in Australia today, but I'm hoping the cause proves to be minor. At least, hopefully, I can be of some assistance during my stay.
I've managed to import the photos I took in Brockley and Ladywell Cemetery one day while sitting Mia. And those of Jilly I took with my D700 during my sitting with her. I hope to share some of these with you soon, along with other photos and artwork.
In the meantime, please enjoy a few photos of The Nut in Stanley, Tasmania, I took in 2018. I didn't know this was a volcanic plug until I looked it up to link you to more information. And I didn't know what a volcanic plug was until now.
Photography feeds my curious mind.
dipping back in
Once again, I find myself apologising for seemingly going AWOL from sharing new work with you here.
I can assure you my absence has not been intentional. I've been trying to edit and share new work with you here, but life has been a whirlwind (sometimes more like a hurricane or tornado) lately.
I've barely been at home since 29 March.
I spent Easter with Shiloh and Susie. It was lovely, for the most part.
Except for the fleas.
I still had the shadows of flea bites on my legs when I arrived at my current sitting on 1 May though I noticed today they finally seem to have disappeared.
I was at home for a few nights after that sitting. I spent it working my day job and trying to close things off before another long weekend. Importing photos, backing everything up, etc., before heading away again.
On Saturday, 15 April, I went to my next sitting with my regulars in Bromley. I celebrated my 46th birthday a night early with Sophie at The Partridge. I spent the day with my lovely feline friends and wandered the nearby Plaistow Cemetery with my camera.
Poppy must have got the memo about my birthday, so even she was tolerant (welcoming would be an exaggeration) of my pats and presence for a few days.
I went straight from that sitting to Bounds Green to sit Jilly for the first time. Jilly is Lottie's successor and equally as charming, though, thankfully, in good health.
A more floofy black kitteh than Lottie, she loves playing fetch. She had a penchant for my suitcase, like Lottie. Although Lottie preferred to scratch it up in the middle of the night, Jilly just liked to sleep on it. We regularly caught each others' eyes across the landing whilst I worked at Sarah's computer and Jilly chilled.
We spent time snuggling, playing fetch, seeking out wand toy lures hidden behind pillows on the couch and binge-watching episodes of 'Succession' before falling asleep on the couch until the wee hours.
I also spent a lot of time trying to troubleshoot power and water supply issues around the roof replacement at my rental flat from afar during that period. (Given how little I've been at home this year so far and how little I will be for the coming months, I often ask myself why I'm still renting).
I was home (late) for one night on 30 April. And that night, my iMac's SSD finally decided to pack it in. So, I spent the wee hours of the morning messaging Apple Support to troubleshoot it and more time the next day.
And, on a Bank Holiday when the roofers weren't supposed to be doing any work, they AND my neighbours decided to work. I swear my neighbours were hammering non-stop, sometimes in tandem, for 2.5 hours from 08:30 until 11:00 and intermittently through the rest of the day until I finally left at about 17:45.
Since the evening of Monday, 1 May, I've predominantly been sequestered with temperamental tabby, Mia, who I've started calling 'Pickle'.
We hung out for a prolonged period last summer during a heatwave. We were both struggling and spent most of the time moving as little as possible and hiding from the heat as best we could.
This time, she hasn't had the energy sucked out of her by the heat, so we have struggled with each other a bit.
She climbs on and claws everything and is prone to slapping and scratching. But we've got to a point where she approaches me affectionately, invites herself to sit on my lap and even touches our noses or head boops me (though, even when she initiates affection, she can still resort to slapping or scratching me if she loses her balance resettling herself on my lap, for example).
She enjoys chasing the star symbol projected from a laser pointer and has found new pleasure in my hair bands, one of which I will have to locate before I leave.
I'm here until early afternoon Friday, spending two nights with Sophie on her return, and then I'll go home for the weekend.
From the evening of Monday, 22 May, I'll be sitting my senior special needs doggo friend, Dougal, in Wimbledon Village. We'll be together until early Friday afternoon. He needs more attention than Mia demands but is far less aggressive in extracting it from me and more appreciative.
From there, I'll go down to Bromley to sit my regulars plus one. Oscar has joined the team there, and I look forward to meeting him properly. If Poppy doesn't like him, then I'm sure we'll get along fine!
I'll be there until the 29th or 30th, then home for a few days.
Amidst that, I've had to venture from south to north London for work, plant watering, transportation of my iMac to an Apple Store and many hours there while a knowledgeable and helpful member of the Genius Bar ran diagnostics and so on.
Thankfully, Apple Care agreed to cover the cost of replacing the SSD, as I raised issues before the end of my coverage. Hopefully, I'll be able to collect my iMac on Saturday.
This brings me to another of the reasons I've struggled to keep up with editing and posting the past few weeks. I've been looking into my finances, flight prices, and itineraries and contacting my extended family to arrange a trip back to Australia that could encompass visits with my immediate family, my uncles and their other halves, and my two cousins and their families, post Mum's passing.
Yesterday, I finally booked flights to spend most of June in Australia.
My trip will begin in Brisbane, move to Ulverstone in Tasmania, and then Melbourne and Perth. Flying back to London on a direct flight for the first time (eep!)
For those of you in or around those cities: I would love to catch up if we can arrange it.
On returning to London, I have another longer sitting booked with Dougal. A three-week sitting with Frank, a gorgeous cockapoo, from late July into August. And a sitting with two adorable-looking ragdoll kittehs in late August, early September. I'll meet them in early July, but from the photos, they are unspeakably photogenic!
And another sitting in mid-September with my regulars in Bromley to look forward to.
Somewhere before the end of the year, I hope to visit friends (and their doggos and kittehs) in Scotland and venture back over to north Wales.
And, more importantly, I want to edit and share work with you.
In the meantime, in celebration of my upcoming visit with my Dad in Tassie next month, here are some photos I took in Dip Forest in 2018 that I haven't previously shared.
I hope to share more new work with you during the coming week and while I'm away.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
glass house mountains
The same day Mum, Dad and I visited Peachester Cemetery, we travelled along a road giving us a view of the Glass House Mountains.
It wasn't the best weather that day, but the view was still impressive.
After an extensive discussion with Dad, we believe all but the second photograph is Mount Coonowrin, but taken from various directions (some of the photos were taken 20 minutes apart).
I'm unsure which of the Glass House Mountains the second photograph is, so if you know, please feel free to weigh in.
As with many natural formations in Australia, the First Nations Australians have a legend about the mountains. Wikipedia tells me they are located in the traditional lands of the Jinibara and Gubbi Gubbi people.
I don't recall visiting them in my childhood or teens. But I would be surprised if we didn't at least drive through the area and admire them while I lived in Brisbane or when visiting Queensland after we moved away.
death in reserve
As with many of my friends and lovers, my parents reached a point where they not only accommodated my obsession with visiting and photographing cemeteries, graveyards, churchyards and other final resting places. But they facilitated it.
Sometimes I wonder if it was because they felt they owed me for all the times my brothers and I were left to our own devices in winery car parks in our childhood and teens. While they tasted and purchased wine, muscat and/or port, whether on a day out or on a road trip.
I spent most of those times reading the books I was absorbed by, and I came to enjoy wine in my early 20s. My brothers didn't. Maybe they "owed" my brothers more than me.
Sometimes, it was because the cemetery was near where they or their relatives lived at some point.
I vaguely remember Mum mentioning that one of her relatives was buried in Peachester Cemetery. Dad confirmed it was one of her cousins.
Whatever the initial reasoning, my parents seemed to find them interesting the more they lurked in them with me.
And with Crohamhurst Ecological Reserve on its borders, Peachester Cemetery was one of the more scenic cemeteries I've photographed, although the graves were simple.