[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 4 July 2022].
bright blue rose
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 26 May 2022].
untitled #144
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 9 May 2022].
I love the quality of sunlight after rain, especially on graves.
Phil and I were wandering the churchyard at St Nicholas' Church in Arundel just after the rain stopped and the light falling on the graves was just lovely.
Because the clouds were still moving across, I had to time my shot just right to take full advantage of the light.
I saw this photo before I took it, but as I lined myself up to take it, the light changed. I had to wait patiently in a squatting position until it returned.
I wanted a good pun on this fellow's name as a title, but I couldn't think of anything that didn't feel too forced or didn't quite work.
Contenders were:
the sun shines out of his puttock(s)
a firm puttock
Let me know if you have a contender, and if it works, maybe I'll rename this photo.
free stonemasonry
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 2 May 2022].
pure mourning
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 31 March 2022].
Painting:
untitled #79
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 13 February 2022].
brontë parsonage
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 18 January 2022].
you've made your bed...
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 10 January 2022].
a bed of roses
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 2 January 2022].
untitled #15
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 23 December 2021].
And here's the final season's grievings image for 2021!
I hope you've enjoyed these again this year.
Let me know in the comments if you think I should continue sharing these in December 2022, or if you've had enough of this curated series!
untitled #30
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 17 December 2021].
fruitful
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 11 December 2021].
for no one knows his dying day
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 5 December 2021].
untitled #174
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 28 November 2021].
fell into the sea
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 18 October 2021].
Hello, my lovelies!
I'm ever so sorry for the radio silence! It's been a manic week or more, and I'm desperately trying to catch up at the moment.
Please bear with me over the next couple of weeks while I'm completing two more kitteh-sitting gigs and working from the laptops of my clients.
I'm fortunate to own a 27" 4K iMac, but I'm currently working from a standard 27" monitor and a 13.3" Macbook Air screen. Neither of which are calibrated. So apologies if things look awry (though I'm sure I'll notice the issues more than you!)
My current wards are two devastatingly cute but mischievous characters who are only five months and one year old, respectively. So they require more wrangling and attention than my last gaolers. As a consequence, it's taken me a while to get myself back on track after relocating last Thursday afternoon, even though I'm only an hour's commute from my home.
After a false start at the beginning of September, I now finally have an excellent new flatmate joining me on 1 November, so the past week has been busy with the admin required to make that official.
I also spent a chunk of last week completing some design work for a client.
And I managed to sneak in a self-portrait shoot in the second bedroom in my flat before it becomes occupied again. I look forward to sharing some of those with you in the coming weeks! It's shocking that I've lived in the flat for about five and a half years but had not managed to shoot in there until recently because it was almost always someone else's space. And when it wasn't, I was away from home.
I also have quite a few self-portraits remaining to share with you from my time in Shepherd's Bush.
I may manage some self-portraits in my current location in Wandsworth. But I'll have to see how confident I feel about putting my camera and tripod at the mercy of two kitties prone to cutting laps in hot pursuit of each other.
I'm also hoping to get out and about one day this week to explore the local and Battersea areas.
My next kitteh-sitting gig - starting straight after this one - will take me to Wales! My first time back in another of my ancestral countries since 2001!
That holds the promise of potential self-portraits but also the opportunity to explore the area a little. And the company of two "furry idiots" I've been assured are low maintenance but prone to bringing "gifts" to their owners in the form of moles and mice (another potential photo opportunity for me, of course!)
Meanwhile, tonight I'm sharing a full-length photo of the grave at the Holy Trinity Church in Bosham I shared in a previous post, going overboard. The inscription aroused quite a lot of interest across my social media accounts a couple of weeks ago when I shared it there.
It reads:
In Memory of
THOMAS son of Richard and Ann
BARROW, Master of the sloop Two
Brothers who by the Breaking of the
Horse fell into the sea & was Drown'd
October the 13th 1759. Aged 23 years.
Tho Boreas's Storms and Neptune's waves
have tos'd me to and fro
Yet I at length by God's decree
am harbour'd here below
Where at an Anchor here I lay
with many of our Fleet
Yet once again I shall set Sail
my Saviour Christ to meet.
in isolation
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 18 July 2021].
Today feels like it's been two days.
An hour before midnight, Anna Maria Drutzel and I started what became a 5-hour-and-15-minute epic call. As usual, it was full of hope, dreams, plans, art, nostalgia, heartache, loss, catharsis and love. A whirlwind of words and thoughts.
After catching up on a flurry of messages and comments from friends and family, I finally called "my" Saturday a day and went to bed about 5:30.
About 10:00, I was woken by the NHS Test and Trace team, but not realising who was calling, I let the call go to voicemail. An hour and a half later, I caught up with my Dad on Skype to update him on everything and catch up on where things are at with him.
I managed not to take any painkillers today, and I'm feeling much better than yesterday.
I've had a few light-headed moments and waves of fatigue. I'm guessing that's likely to continue for a while, so I'm being gentle with myself and trying not to overdo things. Despite feeling I have so much to catch up on, and though I'd hoped for a full day of photo editing today.
The morning proper brought with it more messages and comments to reply to.
In the past month, I've been overwhelmingly reminded of the bounty I have in friends and family as they've rallied around me through the latest trial or tribulation. As each new wave bowls me over, my people bowl me over with their love, concern, support and encouragement. Again and again. I am so incredibly thankful for them. Every one.
As physically isolated as I am right now, for most of today, I've felt anything but.
But as the day closes once more, the silence, absence and emptiness feel palpable.
Where usually I'd be ecstatic at having my flat all to myself, it feels full of ghosts tonight. The occasional light breeze drifts through my bedroom and disturbs a million thoughts hanging in the air.
Though physically, I feel much better and stronger than I have for days, my heart feels weaker tonight. Broken once again. The pieces lay scattered across the floorboards still.
Usually, I would drown this feeling. Wash it away with amber waves. But I've had no such potion in the house since last Wednesday night.
So instead, I'm drowning in this feeling. And will likely seek another early night to find a release from the clamouring thoughts. And hope that, in the morning, they will shake free of my hair when I rise.
beast of burden
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 6 June 2021].
As the pinkish hues were swept away by dusk descending, the day was, literally, washed away this evening.
The sky turning from warm hues to cool was accompanied by the sound of large raindrops hitting the leaves of the trees outside my bedroom window.
The raindrops landing formed a welcome chorus. Their sound was the first thing to calm and soothe me for days.
This is an accurate visual depiction of how the last 72 hours or so of my life has felt.
2021 seems to be the year that keeps giving... but, unfortunately, rarely the good stuff, so far.
For someone who dislikes a lack of control in my life - and dislikes feeling helpless or having to ask for help - this year has been a fucking doozy.
I'm trying to regain some semblance of control - at least of those things I can control - but some days (often in a row), it's really fucking hard to just keep getting up and punching on.
I hope 2021 has been better for you so far. xx
wall of remembrance
[I originally posted this entry as early access for my Patreon patrons on 16 May 2021].
The part of me that loves a good play on words and adores puntastic titles wanted to call this deadman's curve.
The sombre respectful part of me felt I probably shouldn't. So I didn't.
Though some drivers in this cemetery, two days after Christmas last year, did drive in a way that made me worry for pedestrians wandering along the roads between the sections...
known unto god
rent asunder
[I originally posted this image as early access for my Patreon patrons on 28 March 2021].